Three Deep Breaths

My nose flairs slightly as I breath in. I shut my eyes. I feel the heat surround me as if all my nerve endings are firing at the same time. Tingling with the past present and things about to be. Smell the warm air stagnant with dirt and wild flowers. My hands start to tremble and sweat with eager anticipation. Exhale. Again deep breath. Eyes still shut. Chest fully expanding. My face is hitting the asphalt, I can't breath, I don't understand what is happening. I'm looking down at my shoes as I put out a cigarette, leaving it crumpled, proof I was there waiting and I get on the train. My knees give out and I fall, dropping to the ground as the phone slides under the book shelf and my heart breaks "she's in ICU, they don't know if she will pull through but if she does they are going to lock her up this time." I'm laughing so hard I might pee. "See, I knew I could make you feel better" as she hands me a joint. I miss her. I'm sorry. He stands in the doorway holding up a piece of paper with "I do" circled three times. He is smiling. There is a burning between my legs and the doctor says push. I yell that I can't. It hurts worse than anything I could imagine and then a baby, my baby, screams. Exhale. One more deep breath. Everything goes black. I am strong. I am not afraid. Oh my god, why am I doing this. I can't wait. I am strong. I am strong. I want to live forever. This is my identity. I belong here. Exhale. "Are you ready?" he asks, a big grin, feeding out the rope. "Double Two knot safe...Climbing" and I'm off.

Butt Machine

Things to ponder

On some days I find myself wading through and pondering various facts and stats that seem to lurch out at me from every direction and even though I can seldom remember names of customers who come in the shop or my children's friends moms names, Like an idiot savant I absorb and retain useless stats and wait for someone to engage me in conversation so that I can then start unloading my recently acquired knowledge onto these unsuspecting bystanders like I am about to do to you right now. (how's THAT for a run on sentence!)
A few things that caught my attention today:

32.6% of women who have less than a high school education are obese as opposed to 17.9% of women who are college graduates. Smart girls have more eating disorders?

Sales of lubricants are particularly vibrant, with personal lubricant sales up 25.6% in the 12 weeks that ended January 25 for a total of 33.6 MILLION dollars in sales... huh. My take? Due to the weakened economy (god I hate those words) apparently people are eating out less and finding other ways of entertaining themselves at home.

Wal-Mart has promised that by 2011 the stores in its Americas division would cut the amount of phosphates in the laundry and dish detergents they sell by 70% (because this of course would have nothing to do with the companies manufacturing the products, once again, Wal-Mart saves the day and makes the world a better place for us all.) Another FASCINATING Wal-Mart fact: the company launched a money saving project in November promising to save us suffering Americans an extra $200 million dollars and named this program "Operation Main Street" (as in we want to shut down every store on your main street) The second phase of "Operation Main Street" went into effect in January discounting exercise equipment to help us (or the obese under-educated women)live healthier lifestyles.

Last year Canada became the first country to ban BPA (that nasty cancer causing plastic) In September the National Toxicology Program released a report stating that BPA affects the development of the prostate gland and brain and has adverse behavioral effects on fetuses, infants and children. The FDA has concluded the chemical is of little concern. What do those stupid scientists that specifically study all things toxic know anyway.

That's all for today. Hope I didn't give you a headache but I had to get all that useless data out of my brain and there are no grown-ups here and the kids could care less.

Hello Daylight.

It's amazing how just a few more minutes of sunshine a day makes life exponentially more fabulous. My injuries seem less severe, my husband more lovable, my work more satisfying and my kids funnier. Eden's dinner table antics are tolerable: the beautiful young lady is obsessed with farts and refuses to eat anything that is not berries or chocolate. Later she will add wine to the mix and I will be a proud mom but right now I am suppose to make sure she builds the proper fundamentals of life only to do what ever the hell she wants to later on. I worry less as the days lengthen that there is something terribly wrong with Maya as she wonders around the house, singing to herself and staring off into space,oblivious to her surroundings and instead wait with eager anticipation for the day her creative "juices" will indeed manifest something marvelous. I wake up refreshed and the screams coming from the girls because Ripley has his penis out of his pants again are easily ignored. My best friend that is my husband and I stay up late talking about beta to specific problems and excitedly plan the exploration of new ones yet to be found as his eyes flicker wildly because it was light until almost 8pm. Sometimes I wonder why I live in a place with such long dark winters when obviously I am powered by light and warmth but then I think it is because without the browns, the greens just are not as vibrant and time is wasted.